


I'll heal your soul. (You give me your heart)

by LeoNita



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 2003), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2007
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Rape Aftermath, Secret Crush, Turtlecest
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-01
Updated: 2015-03-02
Packaged: 2018-03-15 20:38:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 11
Words: 19,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3461222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeoNita/pseuds/LeoNita
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just when Raphael was about to reveal his feelings towards his leader, a tragedy turns everybody's world upside down. Picture by MsObscure.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

 

 

 

 

Nightmares… he wished they were just nightmares and nothing more.   
  
  
 _The hands on his bruised body, the teeth biting him everywhere, the words coming out from their mouths insulting him and his family, breaking him, degrading him and his honor._  
  
  
His body twisted in the sheets, his head moved rapidly from side to side, his breathing was getting forced by the second and he could feel the tears coming out slowly.  
  
  
 _He had never pleaded, never begged in his whole life for something._  
Yet, this time, he begged… he pleaded at his captors to stop. He screamed for mercy, he hoped his tears, sobs and pleads would touch a least a little spot in their dark hearts and let him go once and for all.  
That didn't happen.   
They kept breaking him in the worse way possible.   
  
  
His sobs grew louder; he curled up in a ball hugging himself. He was shivering badly because of his cries and his skin was cold. The door of his room opened in a swift movement and he tensed, closing his eyes tightly. A warm hand touched his shoulder and he screamed trying to get away from it.  
  
  
 _Hands touching his body…_  
 _Teeth biting his skin…_  
  
  
  
The weight of a body on his bed made him cry and scream louder, he struggled against whoever was grabbing his shoulders.   
  
 _It couldn't be happening again…_    
  
 _"Please, don't hurt me… no more"_ was all he repeated mentally as he squirmed and tried to free himself from the strong grasp.  
  
  
  
"Calm down! It's just me!"   
  
  
 _Hands touching his body…_  
 _Teeth biting his skin…_  
  
  
"D-don't… please… hurts…" the crying turtle whimpered.    
  
  
 _Hands touching his body…_  
 _Teeth biting his skin…_  
  
  
"Wake up, bro! Nobody is gonna hurt you!"   
  
  
 _Pain… suffering…_  
  
"Wake up…!"  
  
 _Pain… suffering…_  
  
"Wake up…!"  
  
 _Pain… pain… pain…_  
  
 _Blood everywhere…_  
  
  
  
His eyes started to open slowly as he stopped fighting; he was still sobbing. His eyes were blurry because of the tears but he could distinguish the red mask and the amber eyes looking and his dark chocolate ones.   
  
"Ssh… it's ok… calm down…"   
  
A pair of strong arms pulled the shivering turtle against a warm chest as his thumb wiped the tears away from the leaf skinned turtle.   
  
"You're gonna be ok… it was just one of those nightmares"  
  
  
Nightmares… he wished they were just nightmares and nothing more.   
  
Sadly, they were  _not_  just nightmares.


	2. Chapter 2

 

 

 

"He's still having those nightmares" Raph rubbed his tired eyes.   
  
"Well, it was expected. It's been only two weeks" Don said letting out a long sigh.  
  
  
Mornings weren't the same in the turtles' lair after the big incident; the whole place was as quiet as a cemetery. Not even Mikey dared to make a sound except when he was watching some TV program but still he did it quietly.   
Leo's wounds hadn't healed at all and he still had to be helped if he wanted to leave the bed for bathroom breaks. He didn't eat, talked and both his smile and the sparkle in his eyes had died. He wasn't Leo anymore; this made Raph think his efforts while trying to help his leader were a waste of time.  
  
  
"Raph, I know you're doing your best helping Leo to recover but those things need time"   
  
"What a way to test my patience" Raph tsked.  
  
Don gave a sip to his steaming coffee "He still doesn't know, right?"  
  
Now it was Raph's time to sigh.  
  
"It was hard enough trying to talk to him before all this shit happened; now it's gonna be impossible"   
  
"Nothing is impossible, Raph" Don smiled softly "If you really love Leo, you'll wait for him till he's ready and then you'll tell him your feelings"  
  
"What if… you know..."   
  
Raph's stuttering made Don raise a brow in confusion.   
  
"I mean… he was, you know… and what if… if I tell him, I… well, he…" Raph tried to explain but was interrupted by his purple masked brother. He had gotten the message already.  
  
"You think he'll reject you because of what happened to him?"  
  
"Something like that" Raph admitted, his cheeks slightly red.  
  
"Well, that… I'm not so sure but. Look Raph, I wish I could have a good answer for that. Truth is… I don't"   
  
"S'ok, I understand. I'll see how's he doin' and maybe get him some food. He hasn't eaten in days"   
  
"Good luck with that" Don chuckled. Raph was about to leave the kitchen when he stopped on his tracks.  
  
"Uhmm Don?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Ya might wanna use some bug repellent. Those are some interesting mosquito bites you have" Raph snickered and disappeared.   
  
"What the..." The genius grabbed a frying pan. It was then when he discovered small bite marks on his shoulder and neck. He couldn't help but chuckle.  
  
"Mikey…"

 

…  
  
  
  
The door opened slowly revealing a half slumbering leaf skinned turtle covered with a soft, light blue blanket laying in the bed. Raph felt his face heating up again at this tender sight of his eldest brother. He took a deep breath and stepped in.  
  
"Hey Leo"   
  
"Hi" Leo's voice was barely audible.   
  
"Brought ya some breakfast" Raph showed him the tray with food.  
  
"Not hungry, thanks"   
  
Raph placed the tray in the bed and sat beside Leo.  
  
"C'mon bro, ya gotta eat something or else ya won't recover yer strength"   
  
Reluctantly, Leo sat up. He winced a little as he did so; his legs and thighs were still sore, not to mention the part where the main damage was.    
  
"I'm sorry for waking you up last night"   
  
"Don't mention it. Had to check how you were doin anyways"   
  
Raph continued staring at Leo while he ate. The scars on his brother's arms and chest were fading away but Don had told them they wouldn't disappear completely. Those marks were constant reminders of what had happened to the blue masked ninja and Raph hated each one of them.  
  
"It's so stupid…" Leo's voice interrupted Raph's thoughts.   
  
"It already happened, damage is done and… I should move on like always but… why I can't do it this time?"   
  
"I know this will sound mean, Leo… but rape is serious business; ya ain't gonna forget this in a while"  
  
"You're right and no, it didn't sound mean to me; it was just the truth"   
  
 _Truth_ ; that word buzzed in Raph's head frequently these days. If he just had told Leo the truth about his feelings towards him earlier that night before Leo left the lair for a quick run…  
  
"I'm just glad Master Splinter is not here anymore; I would've hated myself if he'd seen me this way"   
  
This was another fact that tortured Leo's mind. A month ago, they had to say farewell to their father forever and this lost affected Leo the most. Now, in these painful moments, he needed his master… he needed his father. But Splinter wasn't coming back this time and Leo felt utterly alone and broken.   
  
"It wasn't yer fault, Leo. You were drugged and attacked, that wasn't a clean fight. Besides…"   
  
"Raph, could we just drop it for now?"    
  
Raph was going insane, he couldn't stand watching Leo suffer and not being able to help him. Leo was hurting…  _his beloved was hurting_ … but the dark skinned turtle couldn't do anything else… yet.  
  
"Well, then… I'll leave ya alone. Get some sleep" Raph was about to leave when he felt a hand grabbing his wrist.   
  
"Could you stay, please?"   
  
Leo's petition sounded more like a plea; he looked like a small child that needed protection and comfort. And Raph for sure wasn't going to refuse the opportunity to be as close as possible to the sword wielder.   
  
"Yeah, sure"   
  
Both turtles laid together in the bed; one was already asleep, the other one stared at the sleeping turtle that rested his head on his shoulder.  When they were toddlers, Leo and Mikey used to be clingy sleepers; this hadn't changed with the pass of the years. Leo's arm rested on Raph's chest, his head tucked under the dark skinned turtle's neck and at this point… Raph's face matched with the color of his mask.   
  
 _'Shit, why did I have to say yes to this?! Fuck Leo, ya ain't making things easy for me'_  
  
While Raph fought to keep his composure, the slumbering turtle snuggled closer to him. The sai wielder muttered a curse and shut his eyes close.   
  
 _'Maybe I should get some sleep too. Yeh, sleep sounds good'_  
  
Within minutes, Raph fell asleep as well. Outside, two curious turtles observed the whole scene.   
  
"Well, isn't that sweet?".   
  
"Dude, he soooo asked for that to happen. Who would've known 'oh great Leo' was clingy and snuggly" Mikey snickered.  
  
"Look who's talking" Don snorted.  
  
"I don't hear you complaining" Mikey folded arms.  
  
"True, true"   
  
"Hey, I suppose those two are gonna be there for a while so…" Mikey's playful/lustful voice made Don laugh his shell off. His baby brother was such a nymph sometimes.  
  
"Really Mikey, you want to have sex at 8 am? Didn't you have enough last night?"   
  
Mikey stole a kiss and wrapped his arms around Don's neck "Aww c'mon! You know you wanna~"   
  
"Well… I think you've got a point. Besides…" Mikey didn't see the hand coming till he felt it on his now smacked ass.  
  
"Ack!"   
  
"I need to punish you for leaving marks on me… again" Don nuzzled the smaller turtle's neck.  
  
"I thought you liked marks, Donnie" Mikey pouted.  
  
"Not when Raph makes fun of them" Don retorted.   
  
"You say the word and I'll pull a prank on him!"   
  
"Naw, I rather leave marks on you instead so you know how it feels" Don's churr was loud enough to make Mikey melt in anticipation.   
  
"How it feels to be marked?"   
  
"How it feels to be teased"

 


	3. Chapter 3

 

 

It took some time but in the end, the Hamato brothers managed to take Leonardo out of his room… yet they still couldn't make him snap out of his depressive state.   
  
The blue-clad turtle spent the days reading, napping in the couch, walking in the sewer tunnels or just sitting in the kitchen with a thoughtful expression on his face. His katanas were no longer on his back and now rested in the dojo's rack catching dust. There were times when the younger turtles overheard Leo while he talked in his sleep during his naps; the nightmares hadn't stopped, images of that night still haunted him and tormented him… and he still thought it was his fault… he still believed he was not strong enough and he had also claimed that he deserved that cruel punishment.

His brothers' attempts to make him train stopped, it was useless to reason with Leo nowadays; he had become colder, moodier and fearful.  
  
But not everyone had given up yet.

Leo had fallen sleep on the kitchen's table, his head resting on his left hand. The feeling of someone slightly shaking his shoulder woke him up. The blue-clad turtle opened his eyes slowly, noticing the red mask and a pair of golden eyes staring at him.   
  
"Come with me" Raph said offering his hand to his brother.   
  
"Huh?" Leo said groggily.   
  
"Come with me" Raph repeated. Leo narrowed eyes.  
  
"Why?"   
  
"Just do it"   
  
Raph's request couldn't have been gentler; the darker turtle was even smiling softly at his broken blue masked brother. Leonardo hesitated at first but in the end, he surrendered and took Raph's hand.   
  
"I need ya to help me with something"   
  
The leaf skinned turtle noticed Raph was taking him to the dojo and froze.   
  
"Oh no… I'm not going in there"   
  
Raph sighed  
  
"Leo…"  
  
"No Raph, I'm…"   
  
"Scared?"   
  
"I'm not scared" Leo folded arms.  
  
"Yer acting like ya were" Raph chuckled. The blue-clad turtle started to walk away but the hand holding his tightened its grip.  
  
"Look, I'm just trying to help ya. Remember what ya said, that's in the past, it already happened and we hafta keep moving … and that includes  _you_ too"   
  
Leo's gaze  was plastered in the cement floor, not really paying attention. Raph sighed loudly.  
  
"C'mon… if ya want… I could even help ya with your katas"  
  
Leo's eyes met Raph's golden ones in a mild glare.  
  
"Why are you doing this? You never cared about me in the past, why starting now?"   
  
Hell, Leo sure knew how to toy with Raph's patience. As much as Raph wanted to reply with one of his bitter comments, this wasn't the moment and Leo wasn't exactly being Leo. Besides… Raph could always save those comments for a next argument.   
  
"I've always cared about you, Leo… always! Because I…"   
  
Raph stopped and froze; his face just a few inches near Leo's, his hands shaking and shivers down his spine. Raph's emotions had almost betrayed him. The words he wanted to say weren't meant to be said yet.  
  
"I… uh… I… I mean, we're brothers, rite? That's what bros do" the red-clad turtle gave his brother a wry smile trying to be convincing and hoping Leo hadn't noticed the redness on his cheeks.   
  
Leo was a little confused and surprised by his hotheaded brother's attitude. Still, he felt glad that Raph hadn't given up on him.   
  
"Sure; maybe some simple katas…" 

...  
  
  
Two hours of simple exercises weren't a matter of celebration but at least Leo had trained after almost a month of not doing it; He was still a little stiff and the pain on his lower regions didn't made things easier either.   
  
7:00 pm, not exactly late… but Raph knew that Leo's next stop would be his room and the red-clad turtle certainly didn't want his blue masked brother to lock himself up again; the night was still young and, not so secretly, he wished to have Leo close to him for a little longer, to get to feel his essence around him, to cautiously touch his skin and felt content.   
  
"So…wanna hang out or sumthin'?"   
  
"Don't feel like it" Leo sighed and walked upstairs. Raph followed him.   
  
"How about a movie? I'll let ya choose"  
  
"Sorry Raph. Maybe tomorrow"   
  
With this, Leo closed his room's door. Another failed attempt.   
  
"Well, that was something"   
  
Raph jumped at the sound of that giggly voice.  "D'you hafta go ninja on my ass. Mikey!" he snarled.   
  
Mikey chuckled. "Haha, Raphie is scared~"   
  
"At least I ain't walking funny, ya horny nymph" Raph teased making his youngest brother to blush furiously and clear his throat.   
  
"Er… right…. ehem… anyway, I was gonna say something cool since you're making progress with Leo but changed my mind"  
  
"Huh?"   
  
"Aw c'mon, don't act like you don't know. You're so obvious, dude" Mikey punched Raph slightly in the shoulder.   
  
"The hell are ya talkin' about?" Raph was still confused.   
  
"Mikey, you forgot to feed your cat again!" Don yelled from downstairs.   
  
"Uh, gotta run!"  
  
Raph shook his head and made his way to the living room. He slumped in the couch and started zapping channels.   
  
"You owe me one" Don's voice came from behind.   
  
"Yeah, thanks but I'm still lost here. What the hell was he rambling about?" Raph asked.   
  
"Mikey thinks you're making progress with Leo"   
  
"Well, duh! That's the point, genius"   
  
"But not the kind of  _progress_ you're thinking about" Don said taking a sit in next to Raph.  
  
"Oh…  _that_ progress"   
  
"Come to think of it… you're using a nice strategy to get closer to him" Don said thoughtfully.   
  
"I ain't taking advantage of his depression, Don. I want him to go back to normal, he just ain't Leo anymore! We can't have a depressed teenager as our leader and I seriously don't want to be the one leading this team. It ain't my job" Raph said firmly.   
  
"I know"   
  
"K, then ya better take that idea outta yer mind and make that knucklehead understand that I ain't taking advantage of Leo"   
  
"Nobody said you were, Raph" Don said calmly "It's just… nice, you know?"  
  
"Nice?"   
  
"I don't know how to explain it. It's just nice, what you're doing for Leo"   
  
Both Don and Raph stayed in silence; Don did have a point on that one, even with his intelligence he hadn't been able to make Leo train nor Mikey and his jokes. And both of them had given up. Raph was persistent and also had a reason to be so: Leo was  _his_  reason to keep being persistent.   
  
"Thanks Raph… for not giving up" Don smiled.   
  
"Yeah, well… ya welcome" Raph smiled back.  
  
  
...

  
  
Later that night, Raph found himself nestled under a thick blue blanket with a sobbing leaf skinned turtle in his arms… again. Those dammed nightmares… Raph wished he could do more yet he knew he couldn't but at least his company seemed to soothe Leo a little… and that was good enough for now. There was a long way to go before Raph could confess his love for his leader and brother. But for Leo… Raph would wait. 

He'd wait just for him.


	4. Chapter 4

 

 **Raph's POV**  
  
Leo ain't showing signs of improvement and that sucks. Am I not doing a good job or perhaps he just gave up? Probably the second one but I refuse to believe that.  
Don and Mikey are also trying to help but every time we hit the topic, totally not on purpose, Leo starts yelling and cursing and acting all bipolar and locking himself in his room till the next day.  
  
Poor guy still has nightmares but I don't blame him; he was  _raped_ … and it's all my fault.   
  
I could've told him everything, could've told Leo that I loved him that night but no. I was so fucking afraid, fucking coward… fucking weak!   
  
At least I could've gone patrolling with him… but I let him go alone. Those motherfuckers drugged him, kidnapped him and raped him for a week! Treated Leo like shit… like a cheap whore!  
Why him, God! He didn't deserve that shit! He's given his life to us, he's been like a father to us… and for me…he's always been the one I've loved in secret, my other half.  
I don't give a fuck if that sounds corny or "unlike me". Fuck you if you think that of me; I'm only saying the truth.   
  
I want him back, I want my Leo back… but how can I do that? I've tried everything and telling him how I feel for him won't help it, not now.  
What the fuck do I do?  
  
 **End of POV**  
  
  
  
Leo walked towards his red-clad brother; the latter wasn't really paying attention to the TV, so many things to think about. "Raph, may I talk to you in private?"   
  
"Sure" Raph turned out the TV and followed his blue-clad brother into the dojo. Leo closed the door behind them and knelt in front of his brother.   
  
"We've been missing a lot of training lately and I think we have to continue where Father left us"  
  
"Sounds good to me, I'll tell the others" Raph was about to get up when a grip on his wrist stopped him.  
  
"I'm not done yet"   
  
Leo's expression was damn serious; sent shivers down Raph's spine but not in a good way. "I'm not in conditions to guide you or lead you anymore"   
  
"What?"   
  
"I'm not worthy of being a leader because I allowed this… thing… to happen" Leo cringed at the memory of the events that had marked him forever.  
  
"Leo, that ain't true! It wasn't your fault and…"   
  
"Raphael, please"   
  
"But Leo…" Raph rebutted. Leo took a deep breath before continuing.   
  
"I want you to lead Don and Mikey now and count me out of the team"   
  
Those words felt like a bucket of cold water on Raph's head. Leo couldn't leave them… he just couldn't and Raph wasn't going to allow it. "You're not… quitting… are you?"   
  
The blue-clad ninja untied his katanas from his belt and placed them in front of Raph who looked at him eyes wide opened in surprise. "I'm sorry Raph. I don't feel like going back to my ninja life"   
  
"Bullshit!" Raph snarled in a moment of rage.   
  
"Think what you want, Raphael" Leo started to get up "I'm not…"  
  
The leaf skinned turtle didn't expect the strong pair of hands grabbing his arms tightly preventing him to run away. The sudden move made him close his dark brown eyes in a blink to slowly open them back just to meet furious amber ones. 

"Now you listen to me, you fucking emo! We've been trying to help you the whole month and here you think you can make us feel like shit by ignoring us and locking yourself in your tiny shell!" 

Raph practically yelled his lungs out at Leo, who absentmindedly turned his head away from him. His whole body quivered in fear; he felt so ashamed, so weak. It was this way how his captors had treated him, yelling at him, cursing him and his family…  
  
"And now you wanna quit?! What the fuck are you? A crying bitch?!"   
  
Memories on Leo's head rushed a mile per hour; all the cursing and dirty, disgusting names he had been called… they had called him a bitch too…    
  
"Look at me when I'm talking to you!"   
  
Raph grabbed Leo's face forcefully turning his head in order to face him. It was in that moment when he noticed the tears staining Leo's mask. The grip on Leo's arms slowly loosened and so did the grip on Leo's face; the latter's left arm had already a bruise where Raph had grabbed him.    
  
"G-get away from me…" Leo's voice was broken, tiny and fearful. Raph looked into his brother's eyes, only dark voids… he was mumbling something else but Raph knew it had to be Leos' memories coming back.  
  
 _Shit, what have I done!_  "Leo, it's me... Raph. No need to panic" Raph tried to soothe him but Leo pushed him away.   
  
"Get away from me! Don't touch me!"  
  
"What's going on here?" Don and Mikey entered into the scene noticing how Leo fought to free himself from his "captors"  
  
"Please, not again! Not again!"   
  
Don understood what Leo was talking about "Mikey, the sedative"   
  
The youngest turtle abandoned the lab in less than a second. Don and Raph restrained Leo who screamed louder and louder.  
  
"Don, I…"  
  
"Not now, Raph" Don gave a glare to his red-clad brother. Mikey returned to the dojo with the shot and helped Raph to keep Leo immobile while Don sedated him.   
  
"Sshhhh… you'll be ok" Don gave Leo the medicine and kept whispering soothing words until he fell asleep.   
  
"You think you can take him to my lab?" Don turned his attention to Mikey.  
  
"No problem" The orange-clad turtle carried Leo bridal style to Don's lab, leaving Raph and the resident genius alone.   
  
"What the hell did you do?" Don asked angrily.   
  
"I… don't know. I was talking to him…"   
  
"Oh really? Sounded more like yelling to me" Don replied.   
  
"I didn't mean to… I lost control!" Raph replied back.  
  
"At least you didn't hit him or else I would've need more sedatives to calm him down" Don sighed.  
  
"Donnie, I didn't mean to scare him. It's just… he told me he was giving up his leadership, he was giving up the team!"  
  
"He already gave up the team, if you haven't noticed" Don said bitterly.   
  
Raph lowered his gaze in shame; he knew that wasn't the right way of confronting Leo but his temper had ruined everything… again. Don almost felt compassion for his red-clad brother; Raph just wanted to prevent Leo form leaving the team, he knew that. But in his conditions, Leo was not ready to take the leadership back; those things took time.   
  
"I know you want him back, Raph. We all do…" Don started "…but if things like this keep happening…"   
  
"It won't happen again; I swear!"  
  
"Once he wakes up, you'll apologize and whatever his decision about the team is, you'll agree with it without a word" Don stated firmly. Raph nodded in agreement, though deep inside him he didn't want to.   
  
"Can I … stay with him? Till he wakes up" Raph asked sheepishly.   
  
"Alright" Don walked out the lab with Raph behind him.   
  
Mikey hadn't left his eldest brother's side, holding his hand and talking to him. Don indicated his young mate to leave Raph and Leo alone; reluctantly, Mikey left.   
  
"They'll be ok, Mikey" Don squeezed Mikey's shoulder gently.   
  
"How can you be so sure?"   
  
The olive skinned turtle took his mate's face in his hands and pressed his lips together in a quick but sweet kiss. "Because he's Leo"   
  
"Yeah… you're right" Mikey smiled and pressed himself closer to Don's body in a comforting hug.


	5. Chapter 5

 

 **Don's POV**  
  
I just checked on Leo, he's deep asleep. Well… after that sedative I gave him, it was expected. Raph is there beside him, holding his hand… looking at him like he was apologizing for what happened earlier. I admit I was angry at Raph when he snapped so rudely at Leo; he more like anyone else here knows that Leo is not emotionally stable. He should have controlled himself a little bit. 

Yes, I know Leo's decision of giving up the team is hard; I haven't completely accepted it yet but somehow he's doing the right thing for everyone. I know he'll come back to us; he just needs some time for himself, to forget what happened and…  who am I trying to fool here? He will never forget what happened! He has the scars as a reminder, not only physical ones… the psychological ones are the ones that will never vanish. I wish Master Splinter was here, he'd know what to do, what to say… we're trying but it's not good enough. We're not good enough.   
I see Raph once more before I leave him and Leo alone… he looks so different lately, a little pale I think. I know he's still blaming himself since that night. I can remember it like it was yesterday…  
  
A week had passed since me and Mikey told our family about our relationship; it was almost midnight when Raph came into my lab, he stuttered while he talked, played with his sai… in other words he was distracted and nervous. He confessed me his feelings towards Leo and his internal dilemma with himself. After a long talk, I resolved he had to tell Leo soon before things got more awkward but every time he wanted to it, things happened: Purple Dragons, the Foot, Shredder… you know…  _normal_  stuff. 

That night, when Raph finally decided to get serious and confront Leo, he let him go to that patrolling round… alone. And then… I guess you know what happened after that. Now it'll be impossible for Leo to accept Raph if he ever lets him know how he feels for him, plus, knowing Leo as in  _the new and depressed Leo_ , what happened tonight won't be so easily to forgive.

Well, I better join Mikey in bed… before he has another nightmare.   
  
 **End of POV**  
  
...  
  
  
  
 **Mikey's POV**  
  
I was so scared when I saw Leo screaming like that. He sounded just like when he woke up the next day after we found him in that old house… beaten and bloody. I still shiver when I think about that, I had never seen him so broken before.   
Now that he won't lead us, I don't know what will be of this team… of this family.   
At least I have my Donnie with me… I can lean on him and he'll tell me everything will be ok, he can take the pain away from me but what about Leo? 

Yeh, we're his bros and his family and all that stuff but… in situations like this, having someone special is essential and Leo doesn't have that. Well, Raph is doing his best to get close to Leo but… as we could see tonight… his temper is not helping him. 

Poor Raphie… I bet he's feeling miserable right now.  Sometimes I'd like to play Cupid on those two, you know? I wanna grab a microphone and yell:  _Hey Leeeeo, knock knock~ Raphie is crushing on you, why can't you see it!~_ and finally get them together but life doesn't work that way… sadly.   
  
  
 **End of POV**  
  
  
...  
  
  
  
 **Raph's POV**  
  
Don was checking on me and Leo a few moments ago, I can tell he's angry as hell. Well, who wouldn't be after what I did to Leo?   
Shouldn't have yelled at him, what was I thinking?!   
Shouldn't have gotten angry.  
But… everything was so sudden: one day he's our leader, the next one he just gives up the job and expects  _me_  to continue like so!   
Of course I was angry!   
  
Well maybe more than that, maybe I was trying to hide my fears; I'm not ready to lead, sure I wanted to… someday… but not now!   
Alright, I know he's still not recovered; I'll give him that but still, he's Leo, he's strong… at least I thought he was… he just can't give up, that's not like him!   
  
C'mon Raph, pull yourself together… it was my temper that scared him and made him remember all that shit.   
It was my fault he panicked… it's my fault he's so broken right now, it's all my fault.   
  
Fucking coward, I'm a  _fucking_  coward!   
  
See? This is why I shouldn't be a leader; I wasn't strong enough to let him know my feelings that night. If I had done it, none of this would've happened.   
Right now, the only thing I can do is hold his hand and wait for him to wake up. It's not good enough but at least it'll help me sleep knowing he's here with me.

I'm sorry, Leo. I'm so sorry… I hope you can forgive me someday.  
  
  
 **End of POV**  
  
...  
  
  
  
 **Leo's POV**  
  
Needles and sedatives are a blessing. I can't believe I'm saying that now but it's true.   
I swear I hadn't seen Raph so angry before; it's reasonable, I expected him to react like that after what I told him. What I didn't expect was the sudden déjàvù that came right after Raph started yelling at me.  
It was like… it felt…  I don't even know how to describe it or I guess I just don't want to. I'll stick to the second one. 

This is why I can't be the leader anymore; I've been broken, I've lost my honor, I'm not worthy… not needed.   
I trust Raph; he'll guide them well, he'll be the leader this team needs. Maybe he thinks I haven't noticed it but, I know he's been trying to help me to get over this, he's the strength I need so badly right now… and I'm grateful for that.   
I know I'll go back to them soon. 

But not yet… not when my nightmares are still fresh in my mind and the wounds still visible on my skin.  
  
  
 **End of POV**


	6. Chapter 6

 

 

 **Leo's POV**  
  
It's been a month since I gave up the leadership and the team. I feel weird when I look at my brothers training and going out on patrols; I wish I could join them but I'm not ready.  _Physically?_  Hell yeah but  _mentally_? Not so much.  
I kinda started fainting more than usual, maybe because of the drugs but Don said they're mostly out of my system but he will be running some extra tests just in case. He's also been playing psychologist on me. Heh, weird. I know he wants to help, like everyone here. 

I'm tired of being afraid, I'm tired of living with this fear eating me from the inside… killing me slowly. Still, I can't seem to snap out of it. 

Mikey says I'm less moody than I used to be and that's nice; even though I don't believe it myself. My nightmares haven't stopped and sometimes I think they're getting worse.   
You know what? Now that I think of it, sometimes I wonder how Mikey coped with his nightmares while I was…  _gone_. Ok, while I was kidnapped. There, I said it.

Anyway, I've been thinking a lot about the subject and yeah… I guess the answer is pretty obvious.  _He has Donnie with him._

Who would've thought that they would end up together, though? I mean, Mikey and science are like oil and water, Donnie, video games and comics are not meant to be in the same sentence but… there you have it! I guess love is stronger than personal differences after all. And the fact that they were always the closest ones of this family is an added bonus. 

Hmm, curious. I had never thought about my brothers' relationship (let alone analyze it) before. I must be really bored.  
  
 **End of POV**

...

  
  
  
  
The door opened slowly; inside the candle-lit room was Leo reading an old book of Japanese legends and stories Splinter used to read him when he was younger. Mikey stepped him with a tray on his hands and smiled at his blue-clad brother. Leo smiled back at the glance of this brother and closed the book placing it beside him and stretching his arms lazily.  
  
"Hey bro, glad you're awake"   
  
Leo yawned. "What time is it?"   
  
"Almost noon. Here, I brought you some soup and Donnie said you have to take these pills" Mikey said placing the tray on Leo's lap.  
  
"What happened to your neck?"   
  
Mikey looked at Leo in puzzlement before he noticed his brother's eyes were focused on the dark marks in that area. "T-This… uhmm, it's nothing!"   
  
"It was Don, wasn't it? Your face says it all" Leo couldn't contain a chuckle at the sight of Mikey's red face.  
  
"I knew he was gonna get revenge for that time I made him wear a school girl uniform and…"  
  
"Uh, yeah I think that's enough info Mikey"   
  
Mikey giggled. "Sorry, sorry. You must be grossed out or something"   
  
"I… well, I can't picture Don doing that"   
  
"I have pics to prove it. Wanna see?" Mikey smirked. Now it was Leo's turn to blush; it was a little uncomfortable to imagine his most quiet brother doing such things and actually enjoying them.   
  
"No thanks. Say, how's everything down there? You know, with Raph being the leader and stuff" Leo asked quickly changing the subject.  
  
"Raphie is still being a hothead. A good leader but… he's kinda overworking himself, I can tell" Mikey's face turned serious as he talked. "He gets maybe three hours of sleep a night. I know because I wake up every morning like clockwork at 2:30 to go to the bathroom and I can see the light in his room go off then. He wakes up at 5:30 to run. He's barely got time to eat either. We've tried talking to him and we get the standard  _"I'm fine"_ … and even I've started to miss sleep just because of that; you know, knowing he's actually not fine"  
  
"Why the hell is he doing that?!" Leo tried his best to not lose his cool but what he was hearing was unacceptable.   
  
"I think… he's trying to prove himself to you, he wants to show you he can be the leader you are, I-I mean… were"   
  
"That's stupid! I chose him because he's the most capable for this job. Remember when Don was in charge? I don't think he'll ever want to experience that again"  
  
Both brothers stayed in silence. While Leo ate, he analyzed his youngest brother's words. It wasn't fair Raphael had to pass through this. Even though Splinter had trained them all hard, Leonardo had to endure the hardest part for being the eldest and soon-to-be  _"head of the family"_.  He trusted Raph. Dearly. And so did Raph.  But Leo felt like he taken advantage of that trust and had made his brother push himself to his limits.   
  
"I miss you bro" Mikey's voice interrupted his trance "The team may look the same but… feels different without you"  
  
"I wish I could go back, Mikey but I'm not ready yet"  
  
Mikey's next remark was interrupted by the presence of Donatello who had just arrived. "Well, I'll leave you two alone. I'm gonna take a shower" The youngest turtle picked the tray with the half empty bowl.  
  
"Will you wait for me?" Don purred pulling Mikey close to him as he left but the latter slipped off his lover's grip.   
  
"Not in the mood, Don"   
  
The door closer softly behind Don's back. The genius stared at it in confusion. "Was it something I said?"  
  
"No, it wasn't you" Leo sighed "Why he can't understand I'm still in no conditions to be the leader!"  
  
"You know Mikey; he'll never stop insisting until he gets what he wants"   
  
"Like making you wear a school girl uniform?" Leo teased. Don's face reddened.  
  
"You can always do the same to him; he's your mate after all" The eldest suggested.  
  
"As tempting as that sounds, I couldn't force him to do that; if one of us doesn't agree on something, we simply don't do it"  
  
"Hey, I always wanted to ask you when did you find out you loved Mikey more than a brother?" Leo said taking Don absolutely by surprise.   
  
"I thought you weren't interested" The genius replied.   
  
Leo shrugged. "I'm a curious guy"  
  
Don took a deep breath and sat beside his brother, folding his arms and looking at his feet. "It was Mikey who started the whole thing. I had noticed he was acting awkward but he wouldn't tell me the real reason. One day, Mikey and I were out scavenging; it happened real fast but I can remember it clearly… one second I was talking about my new project, the next one I was being kissed by our baby brother"  
  
That last part he remembered it like it was yesterday; the awkwardness and shyness clearly noticeable in the youngest turtle while he pressed his beaks together and moved his lips slowly and timidly.   
  
"How did you react? Did you freak out?" Leo asked.  
  
"A little. After he kissed me, he started apologizing, he was crying and… you should've seen it Leo. It was depressing. But I didn't accept the idea of dating him right away; I mean, we're not blood related but we grew up together and I always saw him as my baby brother"   
  
"What happened after that?"   
  
Don let out a long sigh. "Things just got worse after that day. I avoided him but I knew that was hurting him so I gave it a try. Unfortunately, I didn't feel comfortable so I told Mikey the truth. It really broke my heart seeing him crying like that"  
  
"You rejected him?!" Leo's eyes opened wide.    
  
"I couldn't lie to him! It wouldn't have been fair" Don replied "A few days passed, our relationship as brothers was awkward as I believe you started to notice"  
  
Leo nodded. He remembered those silly arguments the two youngest used to have; they couldn't even stay in the same room without arguing over something. It was then when he started to suspect something else was off between them and not simple brotherly rivalry.  
  
"I started to miss Mikey, as a brother and friend but I was confused and the only way I could find some answers was talking to sensei. Of course I was terrified of his reaction… but he took it pretty well. He made some sense into me and also talked to Mikey. We decided to give it another try and if it didn't work this time, we'd have to cut it out for good. Fortunately, things went better than expected and here we are now. A happy mutant couple" Don finished.  
  
"Yeah… you  _do_  look great together"   
  
"How about you? I do remember your reaction but… don't get me wrong when I ask this… was your reaction legit?"  
  
"Of course it was! You're my little brothers and no matter what you choose, I'll always support you. Besides, with you taking care of Mikey now I can get some rest from his silly nightmares about giant pizzas wanting to eat him alive" Leo chuckled.   
  
"Have you ever thought of… you know… having someone in your life?" Don asked, his eyes now locked with his brother's.   
  
"We don't have much of a chance to meet girls, Donnie" Leo replied.   
  
"But have you thought of it?" Don inquired again.   
  
Leo smiled sadly, his eyes staring at his lap. Of course he had thought about it. His family's love was far more important than his own needs but sometimes he wished he could be a little selfish. But that was impossible. "Yeah, sometimes"  
  
"Sleeping Beauty finally awake?" Raphael's voice came from the doorframe.   
  
"Hey Raph" Leo waved.  
  
"Well, it was a nice talk" Don said while getting up "I'm going to talk to Mikey"   
  
Raph stepped in. "So… how are ya?"   
  
"Donnie says I'm fine, Mikey says I'm fine… I can't say it myself, though. I'm still dizzy and…"   
  
"I meant, here" Raph said tapping Leo's head gently with his finger "How are you in here?"  
  
"Still lost but… trying to find myself again" Leo sighed "How about you?"  
  
"Meh, can't complain"   
  
"Having problems dealing with those two?"  
  
"Nope"  
  
"Mikey thinks different"  
  
"Since when he started thinking? Oh, lemme guess… since Don started fuckin' the brains outta him?" Raph chuckled.   
  
"He says you're overworking yourself" Leo replied ignoring Raph's remark.   
  
"So what. Ain't like I haven't done it before"   
  
"Raph, if you don't want to be leader anymore… I'll understand. I know the pressure becomes unbearable sometimes but-"  
  
"I never said that, Leo and whatever the lil' shit told ya, ain't true!"   
  
"You don't have to prove me you are a good leader, Raph. I already know you are"   
  
"Whatever" Raph walked quickly towards the door and grabbed the knob tightly.  
  
"Aren't you going to stay?"   
  
"For what, chatting? What ya need is rest, especially with your brain still messed up"  
  
"I was hoping we could talk a little more. You barely come in here" Leo said quietly.   
  
Raph turned his attention to his brother again. "I'm busy, ok? And the genius says ya can't leave the room since ya started fainting more than usual"  
  
"I know; I'm just bored in here! I need some air"   
  
"Tell that to your doc" As Raph opened the door in order to leave, an idea crossed through Leo's mind.  
  
"What do you say if we go out tonight? Just a quick run around the neighborhood"  
  
Raph froze. "Come again?"  
  
"You can always make the guys train harder this afternoon, they'll crash right after dinner and then we can sneak out"  
  
The hothead stared at Leo in shock. "Uh, what kind of pills are ya taking bro? You're talkin' like some evil genius"  
  
"Are you going to help me or not?"   
  
"S-sure… so what time do I pick ya up?"   
  
"Around 9 pm; that good for you?"   
  
"Yeah, yeah. Ya sure ya wanna do this?" Raph asked again, he still couldn't believe Leo had said that. Then again, it wasn't bad to see Leo's dark side coming out once in a while. When Leo nodded firmly, Raph's doubts dissipated and allowed himself to smirk genuinely.    
  
"Alright then. See ya tonite"


	7. Chapter 7

 

 

Training had never been so hard before but tonight, it was an exception. The youngest ninjas of the team panted heavily in the dojo mats, sweat running down their foreheads; their legs screaming in pain just like the rest of their limbs, their masks soaked and their throats dry begging for water.

Standing proud and tall with his arms folded and a smug smirk on his face, Raphael stared down at his young siblings. So far, his plan was working perfectly; Don and Mikey looked pretty exhausted after that intense training session. Now all he had to do was wait for them to go to bed so he and Leo could go outside. The sai wielder was impatient and anxious; too bad the idea of going out was Leo's… and he didn't even know it was a 'date'… but who cared now? He would have the pleasure to take his crush to the surface after months of confinement. 

Raph would try to make their night a good one: no fights, no PD or Foot Ninja or silly criminals' chasing. If he wanted Leo to come out like this more often, he had to make things right; to make Leo trust the outside world again and maybe take the chance to give Leo some clues and hints so one day he could accept Raphael's heart. 

But tonight, it will be just a normal run around the neighborhood; there would be plenty of time for more… later.  
  
"So, ya bunch of girls tired already?"  
  
"Tired?! After that killer training session? We're dead on our feet!" Don said while panting.   
  
"Yeah… I swear we've never trained this hard before. Makes me wish Leo was here" Mikey added.  
  
"Alright ladies, go shower and get some sleep. Tomorrow we're having sparring matches and I want ya here at 6 am. Now get your shells outta here and set yer alarms! I ain't Leo to be yer cuckoo clock"  
  
The purple and orange clad ninjas picked their weapons and after leaving them in their respective rooms with their gears, they both headed towards the bathroom. Mikey was about to enter but before he could even reach the door, he felt his mate's hands running delicately from his waist to his hips in an up-and-down motion.   
  
"So… want me to scrub your shell?" Don purred. Mikey sighed heavily and squirmed off Don's grasp.  
  
"Don, I'm not in the mood right now. Raphie-boy's training killed my libido… and I'm still surprised I'm standing here right now"    
  
Don narrowed eyes. "I don't want sex, Michelangelo. I just want to talk with you while we're showering together. Is that a crime?"  
  
The youngest turtle stared into his mate's eyes and saw nothing but innocence. It was sure to trust him. "I… guess that sounds like a good idea"

…  
  
  
  
  
The bathtub had been filled almost to the top with warm water; it relaxed their aching muscles and made both turtles feel a little sleepy. Don's shell rested in the tub while Mikey was nestled in between Don's legs, his head resting on his lover's collarbone. The genius turtle used a wet cloth to stroke Mikey's neck and arms tenderly as he washed away the dirt and sweat; the youngest would nuzzle the olive turtle's neck in exchange or purr in happiness like a kitten while being petted.  
  
"Remember the good old days when Splinter used to bath us?" Mikey said out of the blue and Don chuckled at the memory.  
  
"Yeah, you always splashed water everywhere and sensei ended up like a wet dog"   
  
"I miss those days, you know? We were so young and innocent and father was there to protect us. Sometimes I wonder how our lives would be now if father was still alive. Maybe we'd be still a family"  
  
"Mikey, we  _are_ a family. Maybe father is gone but we're still here, together"  
  
"Doesn't feel like it"   
  
Don's mistrations stopped. "This is because of Leo, right?"  
  
Mikey's silence was all the answer he needed. Leonardo was right: this turtle  _was_  stubborn… almost like Raphael.   
  
"Leo will be back when he's ready; let's give him some extra time and-"  
  
"I can't, Donnie! I want him back!" Mikey snapped "I miss him so damn much"  
  
"We all do, baby" The genius said while hugging his mate close. Silence took over again; Don thought Mikey had probably fallen asleep because of his closed eyelids. To his surprise, the youngest turtle continued talking.   
  
"I wish we find the motherfucker that hurt Leo; I'd take care of him personally, make him suffer, show him the real meaning of pain" Mikey's voiced sounded dark but also pained.  
  
"Although I share the same feelings, I have to disagree with you on that one. We can't take justice in our hands" Don stated. At this, Mikey stepped out of the bathtub leaving a very confused Donatello there staring at him.   
  
"And what do you suggest we should do, huh? Sit in our ass and do nothing?! Donnie, our brother was  _raped_ and who knows what else happened to him. We can't count on police and laws, we're not humans! We're outcasts, Donatello! Justice doesn't apply to us or even cares about us! We only have each other, sensei said that remember?!"   
  
The olive turtle was at a loss of words. He would have expected words like this coming from Raphael or even himself, not Mikey… never Mikey. He couldn't recognize his sweet lover right now; there was so much anger and hate in those words. Don was so concentrated on his own thoughts he had forgotten about Mikey, his sobbing made Donatello came back to reality just to find the youngest terrapin leaning over the sink, his head resting on his hand while he cried his heart out.   
  
"It's… it's just not fair, Donnie. Why did it have to be him? What did Leo do to deserve this?!"  
  
The genius turtle left the bathtub and approached Mikey, he turned his mate around so he was facing him and embraced him as tightly as he could letting him cry on his already wet shoulder. It was incredible how much this problem had affected the family… and Michelangelo. He understood it really pained the youngest to see his big brother, his protector and somehow first hero; beaten and lost in his own world, grieving and still fighting a battle he could not win: a battle against the demons in his mind.   
  
"Like I said before, I share your feelings Mikey; believe me, I've thought of tons of ways to end with that bastard's life sometimes and yes, I  _do_ remember what father used to say to us but think, just for a moment, our sensei is here. Tell me, how could he feel after listening to everything you've said?"  
  
Mikey had begun to calm down but still shivered and sobbed; he analyzed his mate's thoughts carefully, his Master had taught them to never let themselves be overpowered by hate or vengeful thoughts. What had happened to Leonardo was truly unfair and he certainly did not deserve such punishment but things happen for a reason; question was: what was that  _reason_? He immediately thought about Raphael's feelings towards the leader; maybe this tragedy was meant to be so they would get together once and for all but if this was the reason then he would have preferred his brother to simply keep his feelings to himself. That way Leo would've never been raped and the family and team would be together. Whatever this reason was… it was definitely  _not_ excuse for Leo's rape. 

Again, his body shook and he cried fiercely burying his face in his lover's neck. The latter whispered soothing words and stroked the back of his neck, his shoulders, his arms; Don would also leave little pecks on Mikey's eyelids, nose and beak. Feeling his mate's breathing had slowed down and he no longer sobbed, Donatello took him to his bedroom, making him sit down in the soft bed while he dried off his wet skin and the last of the tears that threatened to come out those beautiful and captivating blue eyes.   
  
"Sshhh, calm down Mikey. We all have to be strong" Don whispered "Perhaps Leo will notice that we haven't given up on him and he'll come back"  
  
Mikey's eyes sparkled in glee. "Really?"   
  
Don chuckled and lied down in the bed pulling his mate with him and hugging him close. "You'll see. We just need patience"   
  
Sleep was starting to claim the olive turtle, his eyelids felt heavy and his limbs like jelly; however, his sea green companion seemed to have some extra energy left or at least it was enough energy to make him caress Don's face and neck tenderly yet provocatively. The mistrations continued on his chest and collarbone with some little licks and teasing nips on his neck; one particular long lick followed by a barely audible churr made Donatello's face redden and his breathing increase.

The youngest turtle turned on his side to face Don and gave him a long sensual kiss, his tongue massaging his mate's so passionately; Don was so lost in the kiss that he had just a little moment to notice Mikey had pulled him so the olive turtle was lying on top of him, the sea green turtle's churrs got louder and his hips moved so his lower plastron and his lover's were rubbing, Don's arousal had begun to come to life as so had Mikey's. 

Reluctantly, Don broke the kiss and gave his mate a questioning look. "I-It's not that I don't want to but… are you sure?"  
  
"I'm not so tired, you know?" Mikey said in a tiny, shy voice "What do you say if we have another training session… our  _private_ training session"  
  
Don couldn't resist that voice, so innocent yet so lustful, but he had to make sure Mikey was a hundred percent sure "You really want to do it tonight?"  
  
"Please, I need it" Mikey purred stealing another heated kiss. "I need you"  
  
That was enough answer for the genius; he hungrily kissed Mikey leaving him breathless while his skillful hands did their job in Mikey's body, finding all the spots that would turn him into a quivering, begging, sex-starved turtle. Their foreplay continued till their bodies couldn't resist any longer and surrendered to passion. 

…  
  
  
Some hours later Raphael came out of his room all clean and smelling like Mikey's favorite vanilla scented body wash; little knucklehead wouldn't care, anyway. He had replaced his sweaty red bandana for a new and fresh one and made sure he had his shell cell and weapons with him in case of an emergency; he had also taken a small plastic box he hid in his right elbow pad where he had some of the pills Don gave to Leo if he had another fainting spell or panic attack. Raph had already learned the doses and colors of the pills by now so he was more than prepared. Now, it was time to  _'pick up'_ Leo. 

While he made his way to his eldest brother's room, he heard the unmistakable sound of the bed clapping against the wall coming from Don's room altogether with Mikey's pleads and moans. Raph chuckled and shook his head before continuing his way. Once he arrived, he knocked the door softly; Leonardo wore his mask again but not his swords, instead he had a tantō tied to his belt. Raphael did not make any comment of this, though.  
  
"Ya ready?"  
  
Leo nodded. "Where are the others?"  
  
"Their room and sounds like Donnie still had some stamina left for some shaggin'…" Raph teased "Heh, poor Mikey's gonna be sore tomorrow"  
  
"I think we better wait till they're asleep" Leo suggested.   
  
"Relax. They'll crash any time soon now let's go" Raph insisted.   
  
The eldest turtle had a tight grip on the door's knob; he didn't feel so confident now. What if something happened? What if they found by accident (or weird coincidence) the son of a bitch who tainted him and his honor?! That bastard was a sort of a regular criminal, he could be anywhere in the city and Leo wasn't ready to face that… to face  _him._ Raph's hand on his made him snap out of his memories; golden eyes stared at him with a smirk.  
  
"Ya ain't pussying out on me, right? Cuz if I remember well this was your idea, Fearless"   
  
Well, at least he wouldn't be alone now. He was with Raph and sure as hell his brother would protect him, especially if that fucker dared to show his face again. That smug but comforting smirk gave Leo the right amount of confidence he needed to leave his room and face the world once again.   
  
"Alright, alright. Lead the way"


	8. Chapter 8

 

 

 

 **Leo's POV**  
  
Man, I missed this! The neon signs' lights, the sounds of late night traffic, the air on my face while I jump from roof to roof… heck, I even missed the smell of the dumpsters in the alley!   
  
Well… maybe I didn't miss  _that._  
  
Raph and I raced each other for a while, we even had debates about different topics and we didn't fight! I had to be dreaming! The smile on his face was comforting and his laugh contagious; I swear I hadn't seen him this happy before. I was going to tease him about that but it would probably ruin his good mood and it wouldn't be fair after all he had to pass through so I had a little time for myself outside without Doctor Donnie stepping on my tail 24/7.   
  
We made a few stops to get something to eat; Raph says all that  _'healthy-crappy food'_ is ok but tonight I get to fill my stomach with  _'real food'_. He made me eat a Hawaiian Pizza and iced tea; he sure knows what makes my tummy feel happy and satisfied.   
  
Now we're taking a break in the highest buildings in Wall Street, it's the best place to see some shinning stars; they look so close I could grab them. Being here in this place makes me feel content and for the first time in so many months, a real smile has curled lips. I lied my back on Raph's chest; it was weird that he didn't shove me away, he usually hates being used as a pillow. I tested my luck a little further and placed my arm around his leg, my other arm  resting on his other leg.   
  
Again, he didn't do anything… weird! He hates close contact, well except in battle; and this wasn't exactly a battle. Oh well, maybe he's just trying to be nice.   
  
Then I felt his hand on top of mine and the other one caressed the side of my neck and stopped where my chest plate begins.   
  
The touch was… delicate; like a leaf… a feather caressing my skin.  _That_ was  _way_ too strange. This touch… this is different… as weird as it sounds, Raph's touch is really comforting; it doesn't feel wrong or makes me feel sick like that rapist's touch.  
  
No… not those memories again! It's been a great night and I hadn't thought about that monster until now… but why?!   
  
Those damned memories… why do they still haunt me?  
  
  
 **End of Leo's POV**

...

 

 

  
 **Raph's POV**  
  
All I have to say is I'm glad lil genius and the goofball started fucking like rabbits before Leo and I left the lair; it gave me more time to take him to several places, eat something, laugh and even compete in a friendly way.   
I could finally hear him laugh again and, sweet fucking Jesus, that sounded like music in my ears! I can see in his eyes the sparkle that was missing, it's still weak though but   
I'll work on that later. And oh God, his smile… I'd almost forgotten how adorable he looks when he smiles.   
  
I don't give a fuck if that sounded corny; those are my feelings and yes, I'm a bit of a softie. Deal with it, bitches!   
  
Anyway… I made sure he felt really comfortable with my presence so I had to control myself and try to avoid arguments but that doesn't mean I let him think he had to last word in the conversation. I'm still Raphael Hamato, the hothead; I can't and won't change that.   
It really surprised me we had some civil discussions, though; each one of us establishing their points without exploding. I wonder why we didn't do that in the past; we could've avoided lots of unnecessary fights and maybe I would've confessed my feelings a lot sooner.   
  
Thing is, I  _did_ have in mind I was gonna tell him tonight or at least give him some signs. Like a few seconds ago when we sat here: I couldn't resist feeling him so close to my body. I had to do something! So I just let him relax and lean on me, no biggie; then I felt his arm resting on my leg and the other one  _'hugging'_ my other leg.  
  
I had to touch him back somehow!  
  
My hand caressed the side of his neck trailing down his collarbone and I could feel him stiffen a little when my other hand rested on top of his but he relaxed a few minutes later. We've been like this for a while now, none of us talking, just counting the stars and enjoying each other's company. In my case, I'm more than just enjoying it… if you know what I mean.   
  
Would it be too soon if I just tell him everything right now? Yeah, probably. I guess I'll have to wait a little more.    
  
  
 **End of Raph's POV**

...

 

  
  
"We should do this more often, don't you think?" Raph said out of the blue.   
  
Leonardo turned his head to look at him. "What do you mean?"  
  
"You know, go outside… just the two of us"   
  
The sword wielder stood up in silence and walked towards the edge of the building; his eyes focusing entirely on the citizens down in the streets. Raphael looked at him in puzzlement; what had caused Leo to change his mood so drastically? He didn't remember doing something to offend him. Or maybe he did.   
  
The sai wielder followed his brother and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Hey, what's wrong?"   
  
Leo sighed heavily. "Being outside not only brings me good memories… but bad ones too"   
  
"I thought you had forgotten all that already"   
  
"Raph, you can't just forget something like that. It's the kind of memory that sticks with you forever no matter how much you try to block it or  _'forget'_ it" Leo said grimly.  
  
"Maybe you wouldn't hurt so much if you'd just tell me what happened" Raph replied.   
  
"I can't" Leo began to walk away again but this time Raphael stopped him by grabbing his wrist tightly.   
  
"Leo, you've been keeping that story for yourself ever since we found you and if it wasn't for Donnie, we would've never known you'd been raped"   
  
The blue clad ninja harshly pulled his hand free from his brother's grip. "Raphael, seriously, I don't want to talk about that right now. It's been a good night, maybe the best I've had in weeks, and I hope you're smart enough to not ruin it with this conversation!"  
  
The exasperated tone in Leo's voice indicated Raph he had gone too far this time by pressing his brother's buttons. And Leo was right, this _had_ been a great night and he had almost ruined it with his stupid commentaries. But Raph did have a point. Ever since Leo regained consciousness, the day after the Hamatos found him, he never talked about what happened to him, how he had been captured or even how his aggressor looked like. Donatello's examination answered most of the questions but not completely; only Leo knew the whole truth but he was too traumatized to talk and even after he calmed down, he decided to remain silent. His brothers sworn to never talk about the subject again to not upset him but sometimes they used to forget their own vow and ended up doing more bad than good.   
  
Raph attempted to get closer to Leo again but the latter avoided any contact.   
  
"I'm sorry"  
  
The blue clad ninja took a quick glance at Raphael and met his golden eyes briefly but it was enough to make his frown disappear and his arms unfold. "No Raph,  _I'm_ sorry; shouldn't have snapped at you"  
  
Raph chuckled "Well, I guess I deserved it"   
  
"It's not that I don't want to tell you or the others. I trust you guys with my life but I'm afraid… I'm afraid that…"  
  
"… your nightmares may come back by remembering all that shit again, huh?"   
  
Leo nodded confirming Raph's statement. "Sometimes I think it's better to keep that memory locked but then I remember what Father used to say; that if we want to move on to a brighter future it's necessary to confront the past, no matter how horrible it is"   
  
"He also said you should never pressure yourself or let the world around you pressure you" Raph added.   
  
Leo went back to stare at the city. Raph was right, he couldn't let himself be pressured to talk but maybe what he needed was to tell someone his story… his horrible memories.   
Perhaps if he let them out, they would stop haunting him but who would listen to him without making questions over every single detail?! Don wasn't exactly an option,  _he_ was the questioning type; Mikey would start having the same nightmares and Leo wouldn't want that for his baby brother. Raphael, however, sounded like a good option; he would just listen to him, let him talk until he had let out everything and then make his commentaries.   
  
The sword wielder was so focused on his thoughts that he didn't notice Raph standing in front of him and pulling him into a warm embrace.   
  
"When you are ready to let it all out, you know where to find me. I'll be glad to listen to you and try to help you, ok?" Raph said with the calmest and softest voice he could manage.   
  
Either was because of the way he said that or because of how close they were to each other but Leo's face warmed up slightly as he clumsily returned the hug.   
  
"T-Thanks Raph"  
  
They stayed like this for a few seconds; Raph took a moment to feel his brother's warmth, his breathing, he even tried to feel his heartbeat. His subtle scent went up his nostrils and he smiled. There were so many things he wanted to tell him in that moment but now was not the time.   
  
Raph broke the embrace reluctantly. "We should get back now"   
  
The sai wielder jumped off the building landing gracefully in the next roof being followed by Leo. It took them a while to arrive to leave Wall Street; the sun was starting to make its entrance so they had to run faster.   
A few blocks later, they had arrived to the well known buildings near April's place.   
  
"Raph, I was wondering…" Leo started "…maybe if you could convince Don, I… I'd like to…"  
  
Raph smiled knowingly. "You want to train with us?"  
  
"I'm not taking the leadership again, just so you know. Or at least not for now," the sword wielder added "I just… well, this little escapade made me realize how much I missed feeling active"  
  
"Why I'm starting to think you're using me to convince little Brainiac to let you do things?"   
  
"I'm not using you! You're the new leader and Don always listens to the leader" Leo replied.   
  
The red clad ninja smirked. "I guess I could talk to Donnie-boy… but… I want something in exchange"   
  
"What is it?"  
  
"I want you to join us every time go out patrolling"  
  
Leo's eyes opened like saucers "Oh no! When I said I wanted to feel active again, I never mentioned  _'patrolling'_ , Raphael"  
  
"It's part of the training, Leonardo" Raph teased "Besides, I'll keep an eye on you just in case"   
  
"I don't need to be babied!"  
  
"You sure sound like you do"   
  
Leo sighed. "Fine. But if Don says no-"  
  
"-I don't think he'll say no, Fearless" Raph replied while making his way to the next manhole.   
  
"Don't call me that; you know I'm not fearless at all"    
  
Raph stared deeply at Leo's eyes. "You are to me"    
  
Before he disappeared under the sewer lid, the red clad ninja could've sworn he had seen a tint of red in Leonardo's cheeks.


	9. Chapter 9

 

 

 

Waking up was particularly hard today for the two youngest of the Hamato clan; not only their limbs hurt but other parts of their bodies as well because of their nightly private session but even so, there was still some energy left in Michelangelo to get out the bed. His mate still slept soundly, his mouth slightly opened letting out soft snores. The blue eyed turtle smiled at the sight and after tenderly kissing Donatello's forehead; he left the room and made his way to the kitchen in order to prepare breakfast for the family.  

Michelangelo hummed happily a random song while he prepared pancakes; ever since he left the bed he felt today things were going to be different in a very good way. The good vibes could be easily perceived in the air which made him smile even after he accidently bumped his head with the wooden counter while he searched for the frying pans.   
  
A few minutes later, Don entered into the room with a sleepy smile that made Mikey's heart swell; his genius mate looked so adorably cute after he woke up. The resident genius walked towards his busy mate and hugged him from behind, nuzzling and pecking his neck.   
  
"Good morning, Mikey" he said with a drowsy voice that made the youngest chuckle.   
  
"Someone woke up on the right side of the bed too, huh?"  
  
"Indeed"    
  
The purple clad ninja turned Mikey's face so he could kiss him properly. Their lips met in a searing kiss and they stayed like this for a few more seconds before the lack of air made them stop.  
  
"Last night was incredible, Donnie" Mikey whispered against his mate's lips.  
  
"Agree, we should do that more often"  
  
"The intense training or-"  
  
Don grinned and bit Mikey's lower lip teasingly. "You know what I'm talking about, silly head"  
  
"So I take it that you lovebirds had a good time last night?"  
  
At the sound of Raphael's voice, both lovers let go of each other blushing fiercely. His red clad brother sat cross legged with his arms folded against his chest and a smug grin on his face; it was always amusing to see the sheepish and shy expressions on his two younger brothers' faces every time they were caught being physical with each other even though they knew his relationship was not a secret.  
  
"Sorry for missing training this morning, Raphie. We'll make it up to you in next time" Mikey managed to say once he recovered from the little scare.   
  
"Nah, s'k. You needed to rest anyway after that killer session last night and your... extra exercises"   
  
Don stiffened. "I would really appreciate if you please stopped mentioning mine and my mate's activities out loud, Raph. It's something I prefer to keep in private"   
  
"Yeah well, you two are so damn loud that privacy ain't exactly what you're gonna get"  
  
"Hey, what are you doing up so early?" Mikey asked quickly changing the subject. "If we missed class, don't you think you could've slept in a few more hours?"  
  
"I wanted to but I couldn't let the new kid miss his first day of class" Raph said signaling at the kitchen's entrance.  
  
Leonardo's appearance in the room made the two youngest of the team gasp in shock and surprise; his brother had his blue mask back on his face, his swords on his back and the sweat drops rolling down his face let everyone know he had just finished a workout session.   
  
"Leo, you were… training?!" Mikey asked, still shocked but with a big smile on his face.   
  
"Not really, Raph and I were just warming up"   
  
"But I told you to stay in bed! You're not supposed to move around with your fainting episodes" Don replied.   
  
" _I_  told him to get out that room" Raph came to Leo's aid "It was making him sicker than he already is"   
  
"What? Is there a problem with your room? Too cold, too hot?"  
  
"My room is fine, Donnie" Leo chuckled at the genius desperate concern. "The thing is… I don't want to be locked in anymore. I want to train with you guys"  
  
Mikey looked at his mate, dumbfounded. "Donnie, you might wanna punch me or something cuz I think I'm dreaming"  
  
"Don't mind if I do" Raph grinned evilly and raising his fist but the negative look from Leo made him stop.   
  
"What made you change your mind?" Don asked.   
  
"Raph and I talked last night and he suggested it'd be good for me if I start training again. Who knows, maybe I could get better and stop fainting if I'm more active" Leo answered, taking a seat next Raph in the table.   
  
Don knew the moment Leo recovered his confidence, he would like to train again but he wasn't sure if the blue-clad ninja was completely ready. This sudden change was, in a way, positive; but that didn't guarantee Leo wouldn't suffer from another panic attack or a fainting spell again.   
  
"I don't know, Leo. You know our exercise routine; it's not easy stuff for someone who's been passive all this time"  
  
Raphael rose from his seat, his golden orbs reflecting his concealed anger. "You implyin' he ain't capable of doing some exercise, genius?"   
  
"I'm not implying anything, Raphael. I'm just concerned" Don replied.   
  
"Well, you better stop concerning about him like he was a baby. Don't forget he's still your eldest brother and once, your leader! Besides, he'll be joining us in our training sessions and patrol rounds starting today either you like it or not!"  
  
By the sound of his voice, Leonardo sensed the sai wielder was ready for a fight with the resident genius. Both Raph and Don had good points but right now, Leo had to agree with Raph. The sword wielder placed a hand on Raph's hoping he would calm down; he understood Don's concern, after all he was their doctor and he had all the right to be concerned.   
  
"Guys, calm down! Let's not ruin Leo's first day outside the dark and gloomy room" Mikey said smiling widely, trying to cool down the situation.   
  
"Dark and gloomy room? Seriously Mikey, was it that bad?" Leo chuckled.   
  
Raph and Don desisted on continuing their staring match and sat down.  However, the resident genius needed to be a hundred percent sure Leonardo was stable. "Are you really sure you can manage a training session?"  
  
"Raph and I have been working on simple exercises. You know, until I catch up with you guys"  
  
The purple-clad ninja sighed and nodded in resignation. "Alright, but if you're feeling sick or-"   
  
"Jesus, Don! He'll be fine!" Raph replied.   
  
Leo chuckled. "See? I told you he was a strict doctor"   
  
"Enough chitchat, guys. Let's eat already! I didn't slave myself in the kitchen just to let my amazing food get cold"   
  
With this said, Mikey placed the dishes and drinks in front of his brothers and mate; giving this last one a quick peck in the lips, earning a teasing comment from Raph who got kicked under the table by Leo while he tried to hide his embarrassment and red face from Don and Mikey.   
  
As the weeks passed, Michelangelo couldn't ignore how much Leo had changed. He looked like a brand new turtle, training even harder, smiling more frequently and talking –most of the time- with Raphael; they spent most part of their time in the dojo talking to each other more than training, something that didn't happen so often in the past.   
  
For a few days, Donatello interfered in most of their patrol rounds and sparring matches claiming Leonardo wasn't ready yet but even so, Raphael managed to grant Leo's wishes and allowing him to train in secret with him. The only witness of these nocturnal reunions was always Michelangelo who observed them with delight and hoped this closeness between them would be the start of something new for Leo and Raph; something far beyond brotherly bonds.  
  
...

 

  
"Isn't it great to see Leo back to his old self?"  
  
  
Mikey's sudden question made Don lift his gaze from the joystick he was reparing. His young mate glanced dreamily at the scene in the dojo: Leo and Raph had been sparring for a few minutes before a laughing fit –caused by some weird comment- made them stop; now both ninjas sat on the mats talking and telling jokes.   
  
"I kinda hate to admit it but Raph was right; all that exercise sure is making a positive effect on Leo's health"   
  
"Only the exercise?" Mikey said with a teasing smile.   
  
Don sighed. "Mikey, don't start"   
  
"What!"   
  
"I know what you're thinking"  
  
Mikey snatched the screwdriver from Don's hands and sat on his lap. "And may I know what was I thinking?"   
  
"Not now, I'm busy!" Don protested but felt his stern posture crumble when his mate began to nuzzle his neck the way he knew the genius loved.   
  
"I won't stop until you tell me~" Mikey whispered, grinning to himself when he felt Don's breathing becoming erratic.   
  
Donatello took his mate by the shoulders and reluctantly pushed him away. "You think Raph and Leo are starting see each other as more than just brothers which, I'm telling you for the bazillion time now, it's not true"   
  
The orange-clad ninja abandoned his spot on his mate's muscular thighs with a sigh of annoyance. "Dude, ever since Leo got out of his room, Raph's been with him 24/7! And do you see that looks he gives Leo all the time? It's been weeks now; there  _has_  to be something else happening between them!"  
  
"That doesn't make any sense" Don argued back. "Sure Leo is more confident now, his training hours are increasing and Raph's assistance has made some sort of positive impact on him but it doesn't mean they're getting romantically involved or that Leo is feeling attracted to Raph"  
  
Mikey leaned against Don's workbench folding his arms against his chest; instead of arguing with the resident genius, he settled for staring at his brothers who still talked and smiled at each other.   
  
"How do you think Raphie is feeling?"  
  
Again, Don paralyzed his work to stare at the nunchack wielder; Mikey's smile was gone and now he stared at his brothers with sadness in his eyes. "What do you mean, Mike?"   
  
"Being all the time with your crush and not being able to tell him how you really feel… that must be painful"   
  
"Did you feel that way? You know, before we became a couple?" Don asked a bit hesitantly.   
  
Mikey tilted his head to the side. "Sometimes"  
  
The youngest turtle' statement was so true and he understood Raph's pain better than anyone because he had been in that position before Donatello decided to accept him.   
  
"I'm sorry" Don said, lowering his gaze. "I didn't want you to suffer because of my stupidity"  
  
The genius was a little startled when he felt a hand under his chin, lifting his head but relaxed when his brown eyes met a pair of baby blue ones and Michelangelo's soft, loving smile.  "Hey, don't feel bad. You weren't ready when I told you my feelings, remember?"  
  
Don smiled sadly. "Yeah, but I shouldn't have pushed you away when you did. I should have tried to understand-"  
  
"-that's in the past, Donnie" Mikey chuckled. "Besides, you changed your mind in the end and that's what matters"  
  
"And that was the best decision I've made in my whole life"   
  
The genius rose from his chair and pressed himself to the prankster's body and stole a kiss, it wasn't a rushed kiss like the ones they shared while Don was working, this time the genius was going to put his projects aside. He wanted Mikey's sweet flavor to last a little longer.   
  
Michelangelo wrapped his arms around Don's waist pulling him even closer, his hands went to caress his mate' sides earning a soft churr; Don parted apart from Mikey who whimpered when their kiss broke abruptly. The genius closed and locked the door and turned to his mate again, giving him a lustful smile.   
  
The sea green turtle licked his lips in anticipation and had a little time to remove his weapons and belt before the bo wielder pinned him to the workbench and suckled the pulse on his neck. Mikey began to pant louder and louder as Don's tongue went lower and lower till it finally reached the soft cartilage that protected his manhood. Don's thumbs drew little circles on Mikey's thighs making the smaller terrapin moan; his talented tongue still worked on freeing Mikey's penis from its hidden pocket but it wasn't working as fast as he would've wanted, his own erection was painfully trapped and wanting to be freed.   
  
His mate's unique scent hit Don's nostrils which caused him to drop down with an animalistic growl; one of his hands moved to Mikey's tail and pinched it. The youngest yelped and dropped down on Don's waiting hand, the latter didn't waste time and thumbed the twitching member's head spreading pre-cum all over the head. Mikey's hips moved up, thrusting in Don's palm and muffled a cry with his hand when he felt the genius' warm and wet mouth engulf him entirely. While the olive turtle deep throated his mate, he used his other hand to remove his belt and reach blindly for the extra bottle of lube he kept in his drawers just in case.   
  
His member was leaking and eager for contact and it would be rewarded for his wait pretty soon, but first things first: Mikey needed to be prepped thoroughly. Don poured a generous amount of lubricant on his finger and tickled the puckered entrance while he continued to suck Mikey's member. He pressed his finger slowly, Mikey tensed but focused on the feeling of Don's warm and wet throat around his dick. Don was very gentle while he prepped him and he gladly appreciated it.   
  
"Donnie… please, take me now" Mikey moaned breathlessly.   
  
Don let go of his mate's member with a slurping sound and smiled. "I was getting there"   
  
Mikey spread his legs wider, staring lustfully and Don while he stroke his dick and pressed it against his lubricated entrance. The olive turtle pushed slowly, looking at Mikey's face for any sign of discomfort; the latter winced and groaned but it was all out of neediness and pleasure. Don lowered himself to kiss the sea green turtle; said action caused his member to go all the way in.   
  
Mikey moaned and churred loudly with each thrust; Don grabbed his mate's hips for stability while the latter locked his legs behind his shell to guaranty stronger and deeper thrusts. The genius felt the pressure building on his lower belly and speeded up, his hand disappeared between the sweaty bodies to stroke Mikey's penis a tempo with his powerful thrusting. Both turtles locked their gazes, a sign they both knew it meant their release was soon to come.   
  
Mikey pulled Don and kissed him, moaning into his mouth as he came; the genius's hand was a blur over his mate's cock and, while he milked him dry, he thrusted three more times coating Mikey's interior with his seed.   
The ninjas' bodies were sweaty and the laboratory was filled with a characteristic musky scent; they stayed lip-locked for a few more seconds before Don decided the bed would be a proper place for the after-sex cuddling he knew Mikey loved as much as the actual sex.   
The genius pulled his softened member out of Mikey's ass and picked the still trembling turtle in his arms to place him on the mattress; then he went to grab a wet towel to clean their plastrons before he laid down beside the sea green turtle, pulling him into his arms and nuzzling his temple.   
  
"Wow… I should come to your lab more often, Donnie-love" Mikey panted. The olive turtle smiled and kissed his mate's brow sweetly.   
  
From outside the lab, they could still listen to Leo and Raph talk; their voices sounded a little softer this time, maybe they had left the dojo and headed for the garage which was the second place where those two could be found frequently.   
  
"You know, call me a fucking sadist but… maybe what happened to Leo was kinda necessary though it's incredible how a horrible event can lead to good changes" Mikey said tiredly.  
  
Don sighed. "Yeah. Life can be such a bitch sometimes"   
  
The sea green terrapin snuggled closer to his mate, resting his head under his chin. "I know you've said this to me a ton of times but something tells me they will get together like us. Maybe not now, maybe not tomorrow but someday and life will be perfect again!"  
  
"Oh Mikey, sometimes you're too positive for your own good"   
  
The orange-clad turtle smiled widely. "Well, someone has to be"


	10. Chapter 10

 

 

 

Almost three weeks had passed since Leonardo decided to join the team again and his progress was astounding; his strength and speed levels had increased twice its normal rate, the same applied to his fighting skills and he had mastered new katas three times faster than any of his brothers. His health had also showed signs of improvement and the drugs Donatello had found in his bloodstream were finally out of his system for good.   
The new leader of the Hamato household couldn’t be happier; his team and family were complete. However he wasn’t sure if now it was the right moment to approach Leonardo in another way, the non brotherly way. True, the former leader was an active member of the team once again but there was no way to know he was alright especially since he had skipped one step of the recovery process: to tell out his story.   
  
Considering this, Raphael would have to make his moves slowly, dropping little hints every now and carefully changing his approach until he could at least get to kiss Leonardo. The thought alone made him moan.   
  
He couldn’t wait for the day he’d get to feel those apple green lips against his, to play with his tongue and savor him, to get to touch every single part of his body and claim him as his. The hand around his erection began to move faster as he approached his climax. He muffled his cries of pleasure with his free hand while the other gave final squeezes and strokes to his now spent penis.   
  
Breathing deeply, he finished washing himself and left the bathroom after a long relaxing warm bath. In his way out, he spotted his blue-clad brother in the living room mesmerized by some random TV show.  
  
 _‘Now it’d be a good moment to get this plan working’_ He thought as he walked to the couch.   
  
“Hey” Leo greeted once he noticed his brother’s presence.   
  
“Sup” He said casually, putting the towel around his shoulders. “What are you watching?”  
  
Leo shrugged. “Nothing really, just checking if there was something good”   
  
“Oh. Mind if I sit with ya?” Raph asked a bit hesitantly.   
  
“Not at all”  
  
The dark green turtle didn’t need to be told twice and eagerly took a seat close to Leonardo, his thigh almost touching his brother’s. Raphael mentally cursed himself for making such a daring, unsubtle move but Leo didn’t look a bit bothered, scared or tried to move away from him. Minutes passed and the only sound in the room was from the news girl talking about traffic reports and small robberies.    
  
Raph cleared his throat. “So, uh… how… how are you?”   
  
“A bit tired for last night’s sparring session but I’ll get used to that in no time”   
  
“Good, good”  

Again, silence. Raph’s thoughts raced wildly in his head trying to pick the best topic to make a good conversation while he fought to ignore the heat coming from his brother’s body and all the erotic scenarios that came to his mind. Perhaps jacking off during his warm bath before talking to Leo hadn’t been such good idea after all. He crossed his legs to avoid touching Leo and also to hide the growing bulge in his lower plastron.    
  
“I never had the opportunity to thank you”   
  
Leo’s voice caught Raph completely off guard so it wasn’t surprising that he almost jumped out of his shell. He turned to look at the blue-clad ninja who locked gazes with him and smiled softly. Raph felt his face reddening so he reluctantly turned his attention back to the TV hoping Leo hadn’t noticed.   
  
“Thank  _me_? What did I do?”   
  
“You brought my old self back” Leo answered.  
  
“Nah, that was  _your_ decision. I didn’t do much, just helped you with your training”   
  
“You did more than that, Raph” Leo said. “I mean, anyone in your place would’ve left me be till depression killed me or worse. It’s really admirable that you haven’t given up on me” He ended, clasping a hand on the red-clad turtle’s shoulder.   
  
Raph stiffened. Here he was trying to avoid contact and now Leo was touching him. Great, just great.  
  
“I could never do that” He replied, his eyes never leaving the TV. “You’re…”  _Special to me_ , was what Raph’s mind screamed at him but those words never left his mouth.  
  
Laughter coming from the kitchen distracted both turtles; they turned their heads just to see Donatello and Michelangelo flirting show while they cleaned up the kitchen.   
  
 _‘And speaking about bad timing’_ Raph thought, seeing his brothers teasing had ended up in a lip-lock.    
  
Leo sighed. “Those two have no sense of decorum, do they?”   
  
“Well, at least they ain’t doing it on the table this time” Raph replied.   
  
The sword wielder scrunched up his face. “That’s gross! We eat on that table!”   
  
Raph chuckled. “Blame Mikey. Donnie says his lil’ nymphomaniac can’t wait till they get on the bed”  
  
“Stop it, please. I don’t know if I’ll ever look at them with the same eyes”  
  
The red-clad turtle looked at Leo in puzzlement. “I thought you were cool with them”  
  
“And I am! I just don’t want to know what they do behind doors” Leo explained. “Would  _you_ like to know what you’re little bros do when they’re alone?”  
  
“Maybe?” Raph smirked teasingly.   
  
Leo snorted. “You pervert”   
  
As they laughed, Raph praised himself for that quick recovery. Leo had loosen up, he was laughing.   
  
Perfect.  
  
Unfortunately, the hint dropping would have to wait because their laughs soon were interrupted by what it appeared to be a very important news report.   
  
 _“…A massive manhunt was under way Wednesday for accused serial killer and rapist Vincent Miller, who authorities say escaped Tuesday night from jail. Police, who dubbed Miller, say he is considered armed and dangerous…”_  
  
“I fucking hate watching the news because of shit like that. One would think the-”   
  
When Raph turned to face Leo, he found his brother’s eyes were wide opened and his grip on the remote had tightened till the point his knuckles were turning white.   
  
Raph frowned. “Leo, what’s wrong? You look like you’ve seen a ghost or something”   
  
Suddenly, the sword wielder dropped the remote and dug his fingers into the couch, he began to hyperventilate and his body trembled badly. The red-clad turtle swiftly grabbed the remote and turned off the TV before he knelt in front of Leo grabbing him by both his shoulders.   
  
“Leo, listen to me! You gotta calm down; try to take deep breaths”  
  
But Leonardo wasn’t listening at all, instead he trembled more, opened and closed his mouth like he was trying to talk but no words were coming out.   
  
There was only one thing Raphael could do now.   
  
“I’ll go get Don, ok? Stay here” With this said, he got on his feet and rushed to get his purple-clad brother.  
  
In the kitchen, the blue eyed turtle squirmed in his lover’s embrace, churring happily every time Don’s skilled hands caressed his sides in an up and down motion. Their lips met again in a wet, frenzied kiss when he felt his mate being forcefully pulled away from him.   
  
“Hey! I was gonna french him!” Mikey protested.   
  
“Leo’s having a panic attack again!” Yelled Raph as he left with the resident genius.   
  
“Again? I thought he had controlled that already!” Don replied but any further remark died down when he saw Leo in his current condition.   
  
“This is bad”   
  
“Well, don’t just stand there! Do something!” Raph yelled in desperation.   
  
The purple-clad ninja knelt before his brother and took his hands. “Leo, this is Don. Please try to listen to me; you have to breathe as slowly as you can. In and out”  
  
For several excruciating moments, Leonardo couldn’t control his breathing so it took him more time than the expected to finally focus on Donatello’s voice and follow his instructions. He took a long, deep breath and let it out as a shaky sigh.   
  
“That’s it. In and out, do it slowly. No need to rush” Don instructed with the calmest voice he could manage.   
  
Michelangelo had already joined the scene and stood beside his red-clad brother looking worried and anxious to know about the details. Raph, on the other hand, tried to remember what exactly he’d done to make Leo panic this badly. The sai wielder looked back at his blue-clad brother and found out he had passed out. He was already expecting that but it didn’t make it less shocking.  
  
“You two take Leo to his bed” Don said, rising to his feet. “I’ll meet you in a second”  
  
Raph and Mikey then proceeded to carry Leonardo while the resident genius ran to his laboratory to get his notes and his eldest brother’s meds.

...

  
  
  
“Should I get him more blankets?” Raph asked worriedly.   
  
“Those are enough, Raph. Thanks” Don said while he checked Leo’s pulse and heart rate.  
  
“So… what happened to him Donnie?” Mikey asked.   
  
“I was about to ask Raph the same”   
  
“How should I know? He was just watching the news and then this report came on about a rapist and then totally freaked out” Raph said.   
  
Don hummed. “I see. Did you get the name by a chance? Of the prisoner, I mean”  
  
“Vincent Miller”  
  
“I’ll have to do some research about the subject. You know, just in case” The bo wielder said, gathering up his things and covering Leo with a thick comforter.   
  
“He’s stable for now and he won’t be needing any meds but if one of you are going to stay with him, please call me if there’s anything”  
  
As soon as Donatello left the room, Leo began to stir and fight against the heaviness of his eyelids. “What… where am I?” He asked still in a sleepy voice.   
  
“Your room; you had another fainting spell” Raph answered. “How are you feeling?”  
  
“Dizzy… but how did I end up here?” 

“You don’t remember anything?” Mikey inquired.   
  
Leo shook his head negatively but then his neutral expression changed to one of fear and his breathing began to accelerate once again. Raphael rushed to his side and massaged Leo’s temple while talking to him with the same calm voice Don had used minutes ago.  
  
“Easy Leo, remember… deep breaths”  
  
“It’s… it’s ok. I’ll be fine” Leo said tiredly, his eyes closing again.  
  
“I think we should let you rest now, bro” Mikey said. “But call us if you need something”   
  
Both red and orange-clad turtles walked to the door when suddenly- “Guys, wait!”   
  
It was Leo again. Wide awake and looking terrified as if he was a little toddler who had just been told a monster was hiding under his bed.   
  
“Raph, could you…I mean, if it’s not much to ask… ”  
  
Said turtle went back to his spot on the bed in no time. “No need to tell me twice, pal”   
  
Mikey smiled sadly; he knew Raph cherished those moments where he could be with Leo but he hated that he had to play the comforting brother role every time they were alone. Giving a last glance at his brothers, Mikey left the room.  
  
“Leo, you gotta tell me. That guy, Vincent Miller… was he the one who…”  
  
Leo shook his head. “No”   
  
“You sure?” Raph insisted.   
  
“I… guess. I-I… I don’t know”   
  
“Leo, if you don’t tell me the truth I won’t be able to help you” Raph replied, his patience running thin.   
  
“I’m telling the truth, I swear!” Leo replied back.  
  
“How the fuck could you not recognize the face of the bastard who raped you?!”   
  
Leo sat down in one swift move, ignoring the dizziness. “Because I was blindfolded the whole time and the only time I saw his face I was so drugged everything I saw was blurry!” He yelled.  
  
Raphael wanted to punch himself in the face after he realized what he had just made Leo say; he had made him bring back bits of his attack again, it was normal he would react so angrily. “Bro, I… I didn’t mean to get mad at you. I’m sorry”  
  
Leo sighed heavily. “No.  _I’m_ sorry. I thought I had gotten over this”  
  
“You won’t get over that until you tell us what happened” Raph said. “But we won’t force you. Whether you tell us or not what happened, we’ll do whatever it takes to help you fully recover”  
  
The corner of Leo’s lips curled up a little. This newfound side of Raph was interesting; he usually wouldn’t stick around one of his brothers for this long especially when they were hurt, he tended to lose his cool pretty quickly but this time, he had managed it pretty well by almost not blowing up.   
  
His golden eyes shone with concern, care, love… it was simply adorable. _‘Adorable? Huh?’_ All of the sudden, Leo’s cheeks were starting to burn.  _‘I must be getting feverish, thats’ all’_ He thought.   
  
“Uh, Raph? I should sleep now, don’t wanna make Donnie mad… but thanks for hearing me out anyway. Good night”  
  
Leo laid down again and turned around so his shell was facing the door  _and_ Raph. Taking that as his cue to leave, the sai wielder left his brother’s bed and walked towards the door. “Night, sleep well” He whispered closing the door softly behind him.  
  
Leonardo felt his cheeks, they were still warm. He rolled in his bed, shell on the mattress, and stared at the ceiling.  
  
“What the hell was  _that_ all about?”  
  
  
...  
  
  
  
  
Don and Mikey had been talking in the living room when they heard Raph leaving Leo’s room.   
  
“Poor guy finally fell asleep” Raph sighed. “Found something about the scumbag who got out of jail?”  
  
“Well, he’s been 2 years in jail for aggravated robbery, 5 years for rape attempt and recently he was given 2 life sentences for raping and murdering 5 young girls, 3 boys and a gay couple. All the bodies were found with serious signs of torture and narcotics but not the same I found on Leo’s bloodstream” Don informed.  
  
“That’s sick” Mikey said, furrowing his brows. “And did Leo tell you something about him?”   
  
“Not really, he says that Miller wasn’t the one who raped him but he ain’t sure either”   
  
“Maybe the only way to know that would be making Leo listen to his voice” The genius turtle said. “I mean, nobody can be silent while having intercourse unless that person was born mute but if this guy ended not being Leo’s rapist then we’d be clueless again”  
  
“If that was the case, that Miller didn’t rape Leo, then why did he freak out?” Raph asked joining his brothers in the couch.  
  
“Leo’s got PTSD or post traumatic stress disorder. A severe anxiety disorder that can develop after exposure to any event that result in psychological trauma” Don explained.   
  
“So that means he related that man with the one who attacked him” Mikey said in realization. “Man, now I get why Leo was so scared”  
  
Raph yawned loudly, all this agitation had been enough for one night. “I think we should hit the hay, guys. Tomorrow, we have sparring matches and I don’t want any of you sleeping on the mats like last time”  
  
The three brothers agreed and each one of them made their way to their rooms. Before disappearing into the darkness of his room, Raphael went to check up on Leo one last time; his brother slept soundly.   
  
“Raph?” Don’s voice got the dark green turtle’s attention.  
  
“Yeah?”  
  
“Whatever you do, do  _not_ tell him any of this and also try to cool off your hormones. Leo is coming back to us, slowly, but he is coming back and the last thing we need is a relapse”  
  
With that said Donatello entered his and Mikey’s room, not wanting to talk or listen to anything else. Raph wasn’t one to be afraid but Don’s voice sounded dead serious and scary at the same time. It would appear that he would need to rethink his strategy one more time if he ever was to have a chance to confess to Leo without giving him a heart attack and pissing off Don in the process.


	11. Chapter 11

 

 

 

_Restrained. Gagged. Blindfolded. Drugged._

_Leonardo moaned past the gag, his member unwillingly responding by the constant stimulation of the thick vibrator pushing against his prostate._

_He felt dirty, stripped of his honor and dignity._  

_He wanted it to stop._

_He wanted to die._

_His back arched once again, cum splashing wildly, landing on his plastron, dribbling down his lubed hole and coating his quivering tail._

_The sound of a door opening made him tense._

 

_“I’ve been missing you, slut”_

 

 _He was here... again. His words were slurred; he had been drinking again and that wasn’t good at all. Leo preferred him sober, he would be less violent and would only have his way with him three times- sometimes four._ _But when he was drunk… that was a different story._  

_A calloused hand played with his tail before grabbing the vibrator and pulling it out with one swift pull, making him whimper._ _“I see the boys prepped you well but you won’t need this anymore now I’m here, right babe?”_

  _he blue-clad turtle heard a belt unbuckling, then a zipper; hands roughly caressed his thighs, his legs and stopped at the rope hugging his ankles._ _His captor didn’t want his legs tied this time so he proceeded to undo the knots; in other circumstances, Leonardo would have kicked him away but the drugs he had used were stronger this time, leaving him unable to fight and completely at this sadist’s mercy._

_The turtle panicked when he felt the man’s lips on his neck and immediately closed his legs, ignoring the pain in his abused ass. He knew he was screwed when he felt the man stop his mistrations and growl._

  _Spread them” He husked._

  _Leo whimpered and shook his head, a few tears rolling down his face; he didn’t know why he was fighting back, whenever he did it always ended up terribly._ _But he fought._

_He resisted._

  _A strong hand impacted against his cheek with such force Leo thought his head would fall off. He kinda wished it would._ _Blood started oozing from his nose and he cried harder._

__"Spread them, now!”_  The man yelled, forcing his legs open._

  _Leo’s almost forgotten ninja reflexes came back full force and he kicked the man hard in the chin._ _It was official now. He was screwed. T_ _he man ripped the gag from Leo’s mouth and tugged his penis hard making him scream while he quickly positioned himself between the turtle’s spread legs. With his free hand, the sadist guided his half erect cock inside Leo’s ass and pushed until skin touched skin._

 _Leo screamed again, the lube and his own cum didn’t help ignore the burn in his entrails due the sudden penetration._  

 _“You wanna play rough tonight? Ok, let’s play rough!”_  

_The blindfold was removed with a yank; blinking away the blurriness, Leonardo saw a big dark shadow looming over him, thrusting into his abused hole and grunting in pleasure._

_“Look at you, you filthy whore. You love my cock, don’t you?”_

  _“SHUT UP!”_

 _“You don’t tell me what to do, bitch!”_  

_The sword wielder felt the man’s hand grab his penis and tug harder, digging his nails into the tender flesh. He cried, his body rocking with each thrust._

_“Keep begging, babe! You know I fucking love it when you beg!”_

  
_The man laughed maniacally, thrusting harder and faster the closer he got to his orgasm; his breath, a mix of alcohol and cigarette made Leo want to puke. T_ _o the turtle’s relief his captor came sooner than expected, not that he was complaining._

_He panted, raising himself up from Leo’s plastron, his member still inside the teenager. ”See? It wasn’t that bad. Was it?”_

   
 _The latter continued weeping shamelessly. Fat tears cascaded from his eyes, rolling down his face and dampening the tattered pillow. Never in his life he thought he would allow himself to show weakness, after all he was the leader, he had to be strong… but what was the point in repressing his emotions now anyway?_

_Leo felt the man move and closed his eyes tightly, bracing himself for what he knew it was coming._

_He flinched when a hand cupped his bruised cheek and a thumb began to caress it tenderly in soft small circles, wiping the last tears from his face. Surprised by this unexpected display of affection, Leo’s eyes opened slowly and lifting his head as much as he could he peered at the body on top of him, finally catching a glance of his captor’s eyes._  

 _It could have been because of the drugs, exhaustion or both but to Leonardo those eyes glowed red for a moment before they changed to amber. Just like Raphael’s._  

_The hand on his cheek wasn’t going away and for unknown reasons, Leo found himself leaning into the warm, soothing touch while he continued to gaze into the golden eyes before him. Then all of the sudden, the glowing orbs got closer and closer to his face until they were just a few inches apart._

_As weird as it sounded, Leonardo didn’t find this intimidating which didn’t make sense because his nightmare wasn’t supposed to continue this way. He shouldn’t be feeling comforted, he was supposed to suffer more and be humiliated until he passed out._

_“Leo… hey Leo, rise and shine…”_ _And most importantly, he wasn’t supposed to hear Raph’s voice THIS close._

  _Golden eyes never left Leo’s own dark ones for a single moment, not even when the shadows around them slowly began to fade revealing a very familiar red mask around them._

 

...

 

  
  


The calloused thumb wiping the runaway tears that came from the leader’s half lidded eyes felt too real to be all part of simple dream. Leo woke up immediately and hurriedly scurried back as if he'd been zapped by a live wire. Right by his bed knelt his brother Raphael looking mildly startled by Leo's abrupt awakening.   
 

“Hey... sorry, I didn't mean-” 

“W-What are you doing here?” Leo asked, eyes fixated on Raph's. 

“You didn’t come to practice your katas so I got worried” Raph explained. “You... you had another nightmare, right?”

Nodding tiredly Leonardo sat up, knees bent so he could rest his forehead on them. “I don’t get it, Raph. Everything was getting better for me- for us! I was finally healing and now…” He trailed off. He didn’t need to finish the sentence; Raphael had already memorized that speech months ago.  The red clad ninja approached his brother, careful to not startle him and slowly curled an arm around Leo’s shoulders and although the latter tensed up for a moment he didn’t push him away; instead, he lifted his head just to let it gently drop on Raph’s shoulder.

 “You know what you have to do if you wanna heal once and for all, Leo”

 The leader sighed tiredly. “I'm not having this conversation with you again. I can’t do it! It’s just-”

 “-too painful, I know” Raph continued. “But Leo, you ain’t alone. You got your family, you got  _me_!”

 Leo could easily hear the desperation oozing from Raph’s voice. They had gone through this countless times and it was a topic that began to get boring but one thing was for sure: Raphael was right. The only way he could heal was to tell the tale- his real life horror story- to his brothers, but as the saying goes: easier said than done. The darker terrapin’s hold on his shoulders was gentle and very comforting, it gave Leo some of his old strength back and even made him want to talk but no words were coming out. Meanwhile, Raphael observed him expectantly, hoping to help his brother to rid himself of those painful memories once and for all but a sigh of resignation was the answer he got from his brother. 

"Easy, It'll come in time" Raph said, patting his brother's shell lightly. "I, uhmm... I'll let the guys know you're staying here today"

Leo nodded in response, his dark eyes sad and melancholic. It pained him deeply to leave his beloved to battle his inner demons on his own but Raph didn't trust himself alone with Leo for longer than ten minutes; the urge to kiss his brother's sorrows away was too strong and he didn't possess that kind of strength. He helped Leo rest back on the bed before making his way to the door.   
  
Before he left, Raph turned to glance at Leo. “I know I ain't qualified for making people feel better and stuff but the thing... is anyone in your place would've gone mad or kill themselves. You didn't. And even if you were gonna do it, you still  _didn't_. You survived. And that's what makes you fearless after all, right?"

Leo's features brightened and he allowed himself a small smile. "Thanks Raph"  
  
The leader was out like a light after this and just then, the red-clad ninja left the room. Sighing heavily, he ran a hand over his face. "... smooth, Raph.  _Real_  smooth..." He muttered.   
  
"So, how is he?"   
  
Mikey's sudden appearance took Raph by surprise and the latter couldn't prevent the little yelp that escaped his mouth. "For fuck's sake, knucklehead! Don't do that!"  
  
The youngest stiffened a chuckle. "Sorry dude. Is Leo alright? Is he coming down for breakfast?"

"Nah, he wasn't hungry. Had another nightmare though and we kinda talked it out"  
  
"You didn't force him, did you?" Don's voice came from behind the darker terrapin. The genius turtle looked at him sternly. "...well? I'm listening"  
  
Raph forced out a laugh. "Are you fucking serious? Of course I didn't force him! Who do you think I am!"  
  
"What did he say then?"   
  
"It's none of your business, dweeb. Now, get lost"   
  
Don followed Raph as he made his way to his room. "We're not done here, Raph. I told you he's not-"  
  
"-I know, alright?!" Raph growled, fastening his pace. "I'm sick of you telling me the same bullshit over and over again. I ain't brain dead, Donatello!" 

By the time they made it to the sai wielder's room, the door had been abruptly slammed shut leaving a furious purple-clad ninja outside.  
  
"Can't you believe him?" Don turned to Mikey. "Who the hell does he think he is? I'm trying to keep Leo sane here! What is  _he_  doing?!"  
  
Gently, Mikey laid a hand on Don's shoulder and kept it there until his mate calmed down. He turned him around and cupped Don's face, his baby blue eyes staring into Don's light brown ones. "Donnie, I know this has been hard for all of us but I'm asking you to trust in Raph. He loves Leo and he wouldn't dare to do anything to hurt him and you know that"  
  
The genius' rebuttal was stopped by a soft kiss. The couple stayed lip-locked until the tension from the recent argument had left their system.   
  
"Let him help Leo in his own way and if something happens, we'll interfere" Mikey added, nuzzling Don's cheek. "Can you do that, for Leo and for me?"

Seeing himself defeated by his mate's charms and clever logic, Don nodded. 

 

...

 

 

Later that day Leo left his room and joined his brothers in their daily routine. None of them mentioned his and Raph's heart-to-heart and the rest of the day went like nothing had happened, however Raph's words lingered in Leo's mind and not a moment passed where he didn't hear them.   
  
 _Fearless_ , Raph hept calling him. Leo didn't feel like such, though. He was afraid. Afraid of what his family would think of him, of what his Father would think of him if he was still alive. A ninja of his rank and skill would've never fallen for such an amateur trap and if he did, he would've freed himself in ten seconds flat then return home unharmed.   
  
He'd been terrified during his time in captivity. A true ninja did not know fear.   
He'd been humiliated and he'd begged for mercy. A true ninja would rather die than break in front of his enemies.   
He'd wanted to die by the hand of his captor. A true ninja would've preferred a honorable death by his own hand.   
  
Fearless... he wasn't fearless.   
  
And yet, he was. His family kept proving him wrong and Raph made a solid statement: anyone in his place wouldn't have made it out alive. But he did.   
  
After countless sleepless nights and despite his own wishes to let that shameful story die with him, the eldest knew he'd made his family wait for his story far too long. They had to know, they  _deserved_  to know.   
  
Day after day, Leonardo searched deep inside his mind fragments of those terrible days, putting them together in an attempt to find the last piece: the identity of his captor. The one thing Leo remembered clearly about him was his voice, he could manage to recognize it in the middle of a loud crowd; other than that, it was just one blurry face over another.   
  
As the days went by Leonardo gathered enough memories, keeping them safe from his family during their collective meditation. He trusted them with his dear life but more than once he'd felt them trying to sneak his way inside the leader's mind. Leo knew they only had the best intentions at heart but this was something Leo had to protect and keep locked until the moment of truth.   
  
During this time the family observed Leonardo, waiting patiently. Then one night during dinner, Leonardo surprised them all with an announcement.

"Guys... it's time..."


End file.
